I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
