Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
