So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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