so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
