It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she was so not down for the gang bang
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
