that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
