Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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