My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
