I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
