She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
