ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
