why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
