im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
