Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
