I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
