Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
