What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She said her name was "party"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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