You're my little dorito
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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