how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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