woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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