dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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