He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
