I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize