Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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