She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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