Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My vagina just recognized that song.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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