She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
