You made me cry and you don't even care
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
