Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
