I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
