Your face is a jimmy john
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
