Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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