More tranny stories later!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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