Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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