my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
