Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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