i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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