Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
