so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
