im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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