don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
