He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
