I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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