He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You left your phone here
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