A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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