why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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