apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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