nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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