so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
