Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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