mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize