You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
