I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
