There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
