Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize