Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
