maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize