I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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