he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
