I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
