Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
