i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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