then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
