Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
