my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
