jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
