I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she told me i tasted like america
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
