he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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